Tuesday, December 23, 2008

'08 be gone...

OK – haven’t blogged in a number of days. Had one all ready on my oldest son – that will have to wait for another day. Christmas Eve is tomorrow, then Christmas Day…..I lost the “spirit” and rev I had going into this most favorite season of mine. Mom-in-law had a mastectomy on Dec 16th and found out she’ll undergo Chemo….I just have this feeling that God is testing me a bunch this year of ’08 – started with my tumor and hysterectomy, my good friend lost her only brother in a freak swimming accident in Costa Rica, another friend is losing her grandpa as I type, yet another friend mourns her son gone from a drunk driver, then Jim – my oldest bro has a brain tumor stage 4 and he is only 48……I’m feeling like Job here and I know there is hope and miracles and light at the end but I’m not seeing it right now. There is so much suffering in the world – how do I begin? I'm only one person in sea of hurt. I’m a known optimist – so this is harder to write. Bad stuff has happened in ’08. I have this feeling things will be better in ’09 but I’m not guaranteed anything like that am I?

Good stuff happened too – we are in the adoption process of Soph and should finalize in early ’09, we have family, church family, health, a good home, jobs, love and soo much more. But I lost it – I lost my momentum of Christmas Spirit and I don’t know if it will come back in time. I read God has a purpose in sending trials our way.

I’m reading Job when I should be rejoicing in the birth of God’s own son – instead I read
Job 5:6-11
For hardship does not spring from the soil, nor does trouble sprout from the ground. Yet man is born to trouble as surely as sparks fly upward. But if it were I, I would appeal to God; I would lay my cause before him. He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted. He bestows rain on the earth; he sent water upon the countryside.

Thanks Job – actually Eliphaz the Temanite to Job. So God won’t answer all my questions about life’s suffering; he does control that too because he controls Satan, who can go no farther than the Lord allows….so Lord, I surrender to you the future as my worry will get me nowhere. Give me acceptance of the trials of life and give me no more than I can handle. Send your angels to guard me and keep watch over my loved ones & me too - that I may serve you on this earth. Amen.


lookuptoday said...

So sorry all this is happening to you. You are doing the right thing by staying in scripture. Life is tough. Try to look at your blessings, it takes work and is a choice. This has been a difficult year for me also, and keeps getting more difficult. Some days i feel the joy of the Lord and other days....well, i am human. I think it is important to have others lifting you up in prayer. I know it has helped me, i can feel it! I am so pleased to have a christian based blog, and to have met people like you. I feel blessed and not alone in my daily struggles. Christmas blessings to you and your beautiful family. Dee

beckymc said...

You have been an inspiration to me over these past months since following each others blog. It is hard when we loose those we love and when we have friends and family who are hurting. Cancer is even harder I work with it every day that is what I do. Good news your mother in law even though she has to go through chemo has a good chance of survival. Breast cancer is not a death sentance any more.

What you have to focus on is the precious face of our beloved saviour. What he suffered on the cross is much much worse than any thing we know. He knows our pains and our hurts. He holds our tears in the palm of his hand. He is there always.......Just sing a beloved carol one of your favorits and in quiet space or time just reflect on it for a few minutes. You will get back your joy! I will say a special prayer for you to get back your Christmas spirit and also pray for a Happy 2009! Merry Christmas to you and your beautiful family...Becky

Nick Jackson said...

It does sound like you have a had a year full of trials. I urge you to press you and remain focused on Jesus Christ. Revelation 3:19 says God only disciplines those he loves. Hebrews 12:11 says that, "at the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it." God is in control and he is building you and your family up right now.

Congratulation on the adoption process. My wife and I are wanting to adopt someday also.

Totallyscrappy said...

Oh, how my heart hurts for you. I do feel that when you are a natural optimist it sorta makes the unbearable harder to bear. And thank you for being honest in your pain. It sounds like you know that Jesus lifts all our burdens. This summer, my oldest brother (Jim, incidentally, and only 44) died of a heart attack. Weariness is so hard to bear up under. The promise that we will catch up while in eternity does make the weariness a bit easier to deal with, but I still must function with the reality of "this side of Heaven." As you walk among the thorns know that others are lifting you up in prayer!
Your quote from Job really lifted me today. Thanks.
May you experience a Blessed New Year!

angelonwheels said...

I'm sorry I didn't post a reply at the time, but I care about you. You and your blog are a blessing to me. Thanks for being real!

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