Sunday, March 13, 2011

Your face

The last six months haven’t been easy – we’ve journeyed through waters that have been deep.  At times I felt like I was drowning as your parent.  At times your hate penetrates my soul so deep it shakes my core and I think of giving up. I hate myself for feeling that way.  I can’t change your past – so why do you cling to it so?  Don’t you see your future, can’t you reach it and grab it and run with it?  How can I help you cross the bridge to find the green field of life?  Sorry – we are not Disneyland every day of the year – we are a real family.  We have good days and bad days and there are always chores to be done for this family of six.  You say you want to be an only child – sorry, you have siblings and believe it or not they are helping make you a better person and your life will be richer because of them.  I’m weary when you say it is always my fault.  Your words cut deep when the hate comes.  I hate what it does to our family. We are getting you help.  Sometimes it seems like there is no help and I fear for your future and ours.

Your face holds so much emotion
I know when you are mad.
I know when you are happy.
I know when you are scared.
I know when you are uncertain.
I know when you are lost.
 I know when you need help.
 I know when you need sleep.
I know when you are clueless.
I know when you are at peace.
I know when you feel loved.
I know when you feel frustration.
I am your Mom through the gift of adoption – I know you. I love you. No matter what.


Becky said...

Val, Your post broke my heart. I don't know where your precious daughter came from in her past but I know her future is bright and wonderful because she has you as a Mom and the family God gave you. Being a preteen girl is very hard. Hormones are awful even though she aims her anger towards you it is because she knows you are safe and that you love her and will never leave her. My prayers are with you my friend and you sweet family.

momzookeeper said...

This so easily could have been my words! I know where you are. It is safe to lash out at the ones who will be there, but our kids often question even that! I wish I had advice that would fix things and help the process go more smoothly, only time and God's healing power can heal some of those wounds. Please know that you are in our prayers!

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