Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Frozen by the past, hope for the future.

Frozen by the past, hope for the future.
Difficult parenting moments.  Painful realizations. A time of grief. A low beyond anything as parents.
3.5 years hasn’t changed anything tangible.  We persevered believing love can change and fix…..we read books, created goals, worked with our local mental health provider wrapping a plan of support above what we could do, we created mentors, church connections, gave family and community. We prayed. We struggled. We feel failure. We feel hope.
Thank you to our encouraging, understanding family and friends who have supported us. Many don’t know or understand. Many can’t see – because that is what it is.
A church friend who I value, shared that if a loved one was addicted to drugs or alcohol, we’d pursue to find a treatment plan to help them. This is no different. Mental health issues are real. She needs help. She needs to want help and want us. She wants to leave.
So – she is leaving this Thursday for a time unknown as we get her what we hope is life changing help. It won’t be easy for her, nor us, nor our children at home, nor extended family who don’t fully get what this means. We’ve great optimism in the treatment for her– we’ve heard good things and have friends who’ve had success there with their daughter – hence the great hope we hold onto.
There is stigma too – I’m strong enough to put the good front on, but the pain will exist and be there. I know people will talk – people will be mean – people don’t know. It doesn’t matter, we are doing what is right for her, for us and our remaining children at home.
The first 30 days will be the hardest – she can’t contact us nor can we contact her. I know the grief we’ll feel – it is the grief we have now. BUT….hope is the key word here. We have hope.
Pray we have strength to meet this challenging time head on. Pray we grow and become better from this. Pray she finds healing. Pray God’s direction for all of us in our unknown future. We desire reintegration…..but don’t know 100% that it is in the cards. She’ll need to miss us, want us and to work her way back...changed. We’ll all be changed, we need to change. This hurts.
Please respect our pain. But more than anything,  just lift us all up in prayer.
Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. Psalm 23:4


Dee said...

I am sorry Val that you had to make this difficult decision...it is a part of loving her....what is important is that she will grow into a healthy adult. Place it all into Gods hands...and trust. As for what others say...bahumbug to their ignorance. I have been in similar circumstance when I was a foster mom. I will be praying for her and for you and your family. God bless...HUGS Dee

They call me Deb said...

oh Val.... I wish I could reach through the screen and just hug you my friend.
I can't imagine all that you've gone through and all that's gone through your thoughts! Please know that I will be praying for you all through this time and I'll be depending on the fact that God promises good will come from even this.

Missy said...


Becky said...

Val, I wish could reach you and hug you and her! I will pray for you, her and the family often my friend. Know this when you feel alone and lonely God is with you! He will never leave you or her. I am so sorry for your pain. All my love Becky

Becky said...

Ok I do not know if the first thing I posted worked. But I want to you to know I will and am right now praying for you, her and your family for the Lord's peace during this trying time. All my Love Becky

Blu-I'd-Blonde said...

Oh, many of us parents have had to walk this living hell of a crooked path. My heart was broken, but pouring out our love on our son became real to him at a treatment center, actually, finally the 5th or 6th treatment experience. Finally, he settled down and has kept a job and lives in a relationship that is as good as can be expected. I tell you this to say don't ever give up, keep hoping. Though painful, prayer, hope, anticipation, and love will get you through.

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