It was a wonderful Saturday morning – the boys were at their jobs, Steve was working, Soph was major “chill-ax-ing” and I was moving mountains, mountains of laundry! But getting other things done too. I lingered over my toast and coffee, enjoying my back yard view. Soph and I enjoyed our Saturday at home, doing what we both wanted to do. Late afternoon, we were forced to leave our cozy nest to venture out as Sophia had her first 3rd grade Basketball game. I was excited to watch her and we’d planned to grab a bite the two of us after the game – serious mommy/daughter day!
Just as I arrived at the gymnasium, I received a call….the kind you don’t want to get as a parent….my eldest daughter who was at a Christian boarding school, had reacted violently (nice way to say she assaulted, battered, etc) two staff members. They were expelling her and asked me to come get her immediately. I scrambled to find someone to come watch Soph and take care of her after her game, luckily a dear brother-in-law stepped in to help me out. My husband works in a “core” and can’t receive calls so I knew I couldn’t reach him until his shift ended. I was on this alone.
After an evening spent in ER with an angry defiant teenager – the mental health plan failed – crisis literally told me there was nothing they could do, the social worker was pressing us to get her admitted, the screening didn’t allow her into anything – so other than placing her in a Youth environment that would put her in front of a judge, our only other option was to take her home. Which, by then my husband joined me at ER – and we fearfully took her home.
This has been another adjustment for our home, with our youngest fearful of her outbursts – scared of what the anger produces. We’ve dealt with this so many years – the reality of how peaceful our home had become swamped me as that peace left and my stress and anxiety returned.
We came to learn she was failing all her classes, and threw her back to the very public school she couldn’t handle last year – because we are all out of options. She’ll be 18 in 3 months – then these outbursts will sadly have legal consequences that we won’t/can't save her from – we continue mental health support in the last efforts to help her control this anger beast. Already with just 7 days in – she has broken rules from home to school, with little regard for those it affects, including herself.
So, with Christmas around the corner, we’ve returned to a household full again. We are in this for the long haul, while the heavy feeling doesn’t go away and sometimes I’m paralyzed by the sheer volume of the sadness and stress we’ve experienced in 2016 – I optimistically look forward to 2017….hoping, wishing for easier times again. I was enjoying my new freedom of being able to do things I enjoyed again, I plan to find that more in 2017 as I take time for myself and my spouse. Finding the balance needed to stay healthier.
In 15 minutes I shot some pictures of the kids to capture for a Christmas card – I love them all so much! Despite the trials we’ve endured, my Mom heart loves deeply for each as I only wish them wings to fly.
May you find peace and joy in 2017! Blessings from us all!
My outtake ~ because they have a hard time cooperating! Love them all!
For Unto Us a Child is Born ~ Isaiah 9:6