This weekend we watched the movie“Instant Family.” Oh yah – I had tears. It was a well-done movie, definitely Hollywood with non-realities – but also some very REAL lines about fostering and adopting. Phew – stirred up memories and feelings galore. (will be awhile until I can muster courage to see "Ben is Back" or "Unplanned.")
Scenes we’ve lived really hit home. Given we are down to one in the home now – with our new found peace we’ve learned to embrace and cherish – some scenes rattled me to the core. On top of it we received a call from a prior foster child seeking information – but wasn’t 18 years old yet so we can’t return the call out of respect for the adoptive parents as well as reminding ourselves of our kiddos who’ve pursued bio parents/information and the turmoil that can create. My emotions are a little tender right now.
The movie ended with the “happily ever after” theme – but the struggles don’t just go away and love doesn’t remove the abuse scars and learning disabilities that carry on into adulthood which can lead to addictions, relationship issues and other problems – when un-dealt with these continue to wreak havoc.
The boys are turning that corner right now and I’m so proud of what they are working hard to overcome. Adulting is hard work….we remain active in their lives, feeding them often and having many moments of laughter and pulling out our hair all at once. 😊
Did you know that there is a stronger link between childhood trauma and addiction, than there is between obesity and diabetes? Two thirds of addicts report being abused as children. That means that the war on drugs is really a war on traumatized people that just need help.
We’ve learned new parenting lows and highs through our ongoing journey. Even when my “babies” are 21 and 22 – I’m still mom. I’m still there. I love deeply and try to help without enabling. We continue to say “I love you, just not all your actions.” Lately its also been expressing that we are proud of some of them for fighting against addiction, turning their lives around and getting jobs. Adulthood doesn’t come easy for many – it is harder when you’ve dragons and beasts from your past effecting how you can even move forward. Empathy has grown as we’ve experienced yet more parenting lows we never thought possible.
Our faith community holds us. At times, not knowing how to talk to us or even relate – but we know they mean well and love us. Faith in Jesus holds us. We’ve weathered some storms and if the waters calm – we’ll take that and glide. Rediscovering ourselves, regenerating our relationship as husband and wife – being able to give more to the little at home….and back to ourselves is a wonderful feeling for now. Time to reflect, learn from past mistakes – find new wisdom on ongoing challenges.
We journey on.