Thursday, May 19, 2016

Summer Is Here! 2016

The sun shines and the rain comes….but they are good days, not perfect days, but good days are here for now.  School is out - last day of school is over.  That is a relief greater than some are able to recognize.  Sunny hot days ahead which can bring boredom – a wonderful thing to have….reading books, swimming, mosquitoes, softball games, road trips, BBQ’s and the swing of the summer routine will set in.

I remind myself lately when I’m giving myself that pep talk – that there have always been those kids that struggle – no matter what others do….  No matter how much I want them to become the fighters to overcome – it is their journey to walk and live.  My job remains the support and giving them the best resources to use should they decide to use them.  This is true.  While I may have good reason for despair – I too have good reason for hope as well.  My kids aren’t the first adoptive kids or bio kids out there to struggle in their time of raging hormones and with poor decision making skills and catching large backlashes of results from their choices.  School of hard knocks has been around for ages – my kids are enrolled and hopefully those lessons will carve them more than any lecture I can expound on them.  I will be their defender, but sometimes you need to go under water to learn how to come up for air on your own….I can’t and won’t always be the lifesaver here.  And sometimes it is just plain Karma.

It is time – time to detach again, time to say “I love you” yet I am going to take care of myself more now….Dad and I are going to “date” more again – we need to get away together, we need to refocus on us as we’ve put “us” aside too long.  You will be better for “us” being better and no, you can not divide us – we won’t allow it no matter how hard you try – and I do see you trying…..
We will lean hard on each other and that hope which we know exists.  Options are arriving and we are looking at each possibility carefully and for the best interest of this family we love and want to ride this wave of life.  I’m seeking the sandy beach with the warmth of the sun on my face and a cool drink with a great book beside me – restoring my soul.  Love exists in these walls called home….I’m looking up, my sky is not falling today….so for this I’ll be grateful. Better days are ahead.  

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

It.Just.Doesn't.End.

Daily drama, trama and craziness!  It just doesn’t end.  I feel like this picture….

There is that glimpse of the sunny blue sky, white puffy clouds, but all around is the storm, waiting to rain on any peace that tries to appear. My life these days.

We’ve had the run-away.  Suicide hot line called.  Defiance up the ying-yang.  Sketchy lies, plagiarizing, more stealing behavior without thinking…..and this is to name a few. My life feels surreal at times and I can’t believe these choices are being made by children we are raising – choices COMPLETELY against our morals and every fiber of our being of what paths we don’t want them on.  Teenagers that know better, but don't live better than the very past we hoped to save them from.

I've been listening to Lauren Daigle’s “Trust in You” song – wow, this is my song right now in my walk of life.  Read her lyrics:
TRUST IN YOU Lyrics
Lauren Daigle
Letting go of every single dream
I lay each one down at Your feet
Every moment of my wandering
Never changes what You see
I’ve tried to win this war I confess
My hands are weary I need Your rest
Mighty Warrior, King of the fight
No matter what I face, You’re by my side
When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!
Truth is, You know what tomorrow brings
There’s not a day ahead You have not seen
So, in all things be my life and breath
I want what You want Lord and nothing less
When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!
You are my strength and comfort
You are my steady hand
You are my firm foundation; the rock on which I stand
Your ways are always higher
Your plans are always good
There’s not a place where I’ll go, You’ve not already stood
When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!
I will trust in You!
I will trust in You!
I will trust in You! 
  

Amen – that is all I can say.  

Monday, April 18, 2016

The Fake Birthday

 She was stressing out the other day, as only an 8 year old can.  Kids having birthday parties in school, get to have a special straw hidden that they then find.  So, since she is a summer birthday – she wasn’t getting in on this birthday tradition as the school year went on.  So, as school is winding down, we are encouraged to have a “fake” birthday party if we like, bring food and she gets to find her straw.  Luckily her Dad was off today, so he took the treats to school, as the awesome Dad he is – so she could feel the special-ness of having a “fake” birthday straw hunt.
As I was reflecting on all this, it dawned on me, she wants for nothing, has all the love and possessions she needs to be satisfied for a child her age.  BUT the rewards of being amongst peers, recognition and fair treatment are motivators for her in such big ways.  A simply Birthday Straw motivated her to bound out of bed with excitement on a Monday morning, when we usually drag our feet at the beginning of the week….because it was special.
I bet God watches us and wonders too why we aren’t bounding out of bed daily, for that special sunrise he gives us every day, many of us take it for granted, as well the gift of salvation – his son Jesus – the Birthday Straw in our lives that should give us new energy, a reward that is ours, simply for the asking.  Many seek this "Birthday Straw" and never find it.   How many times do we just go on our busy way, forgetting those little things….those things that matter the most.

This 8 year old – she teaches me something new in life every day.  A wonder of creativity with a learning disability that is such a beautiful unique creation, and God picked us – he gave us this Birthday Straw girl – when we too had everything we needed to be satisfied, he gave us her through the beautiful gift of adoption….because he knew we’d need some “fake” birthday’s in our lives.  He knew we’d need that one more child to fill our vessel of blessings with a smidgeon of challenge so we wouldn’t be bored in our older aging life….. 

Thank you.  My cup is full.  My straw is awesome!

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