Monday, February 12, 2018

It's Late

It’s late, I sit alone at the kitchen table browsing through social media waiting. 

The back door finally opens and in he comes.  My mind glimpses to the 2 year old full of energy now before me as a young handsome man of 20.  Where did the years go? 

He peruses the kitchen looking for food and settles on Life cereal.  As he pours his milk he joins me at the kitchen table that holds the memories of this family born of adoption, smaller now in size with the departure of struggling young teens finding their way to their own.

He’s in a good mood tonight, conversation flows as we talk – he is rude, funny and we agree and argue.  A low rumble comes down the hall and he asks “is that dad snoring?”  I reply, “yes.”  We chuckle softly together.  He teases me that I’m his decaying parent.  He is right – life is moving on quickly.  He talks of goals and history past.  His social media buzzes while he downs a second bowl of Life cereal, then gets up to find more snacks.  A leftover garlic biscuit, three small fruit snacks from his sister’s school stash.  He sits down with them and says “I love these things” and organizes them by color offering me a blue one.  

As he heads off for bed, I can hear him below chatting with his friends yet…..he’ll do this awhile. 

As I sit and analyze this time we shared, I realize he is slowly finding maturity….and yet I will always see that 2 year old grin of a child long gone whom I yearn for some do-overs for.  Mourning and sadness wash over me.  

Then peace comes slowly as I embrace the cycle of life and wonder what adulthood will look like for him and pray we’ll be around to see it.  

Friday, November 10, 2017


Sometimes, strength is gently
letting go of things and watching
them float away in the wind.   The Better Man Project

We've released two of our children - so many emotions.  But, it is a good thing.  It is a needed thing.  We pray they fly......float on down and be well.

And with this adjustment comes some peace, finding once again ourselves lost in the layers we've held to for our sanity and safe keeping.  Giving back 10 fold to the two yet in the home,  finding a joy within that can come out to play now, that was held so close.  Learning to laugh again so hard that it feels foreign and to know it is a good thing for it's return.

As I sat listening to the newest pianist play the keys in the house, a sense of contentment filled long it lasts, it floats away with every new challenge that rises, but I tasted my old friend and welcome it back.  I know it will return again.  It is still there, waiting as the waters rise and we go again.

Ah, life...swift and strong we move along.  Around and round we go....
We cling to the things
That make us bleed
Because we'd rather
Feel the pain
In the familiar
Than the peace
In the unknown.

Wednesday, November 1, 2017


Why must you flee
Why can't you stay
Why not try harder
To live a safe way?

Why must you flee
Why can't you pray
Why not live scripture
To help you to stay?

Why must you flee
Why can't you see
Why not let us help you
To healthier be?

Why must you flee
Why can't your pain heal
Why not give in
To a warm consistent meal?

Why must you flee
Why can't you breathe
Why not plant roots
To a love you won't grieve?

Why must you flee
Why can't staying help
Why not listen deeply
To a home you have felt?

Why must you flee
Why can't the running stop
Why not sit still
To a love you can't top?

Why must you flee?


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