Wednesday, April 3, 2019

Instant Family Emotions

This weekend we watched the movie“Instant Family.”  Oh yah – I had tears.  It was a well-done movie, definitely Hollywood with non-realities – but also some very REAL lines about fostering and adopting.  Phew – stirred up memories and feelings galore. (will be awhile until I can muster courage to see "Ben is Back" or "Unplanned.")

Scenes we’ve lived really hit home.  Given we are down to one in the home now – with our new found peace we’ve learned to embrace and cherish – some scenes rattled me to the core.  On top of it we received a call from a prior foster child seeking information – but wasn’t 18 years old yet so we can’t return the call out of respect for the adoptive parents as well as reminding ourselves of our kiddos who’ve pursued bio parents/information and the turmoil that can create.  My emotions are a little tender right now.

The movie ended with the “happily ever after” theme – but the struggles don’t just go away and love doesn’t remove the abuse scars and learning disabilities that carry on into adulthood which can lead to addictions, relationship issues and other problems – when un-dealt with these continue to wreak havoc. 

The boys are turning that corner right now and I’m so proud of what they are working hard to overcome.  Adulting is hard work….we remain active in their lives, feeding them often and having many moments of laughter and pulling out our hair all at once.  😊 

Did you know that there is a stronger link between childhood trauma and addiction, than there is between obesity and diabetes?  Two thirds of addicts report being abused as children.  That means that the war on drugs is really a war on traumatized people that just need help. 

We’ve learned new parenting lows and highs through our ongoing journey.  Even when my “babies” are 21 and 22 – I’m still mom.  I’m still there.  I love deeply and try to help without enabling. We continue to say “I love you, just not all your actions.”  Lately its also been expressing that we are proud of some of them for fighting against addiction, turning their lives around and getting jobs.  Adulthood doesn’t come easy for many – it is harder when you’ve dragons and beasts from your past effecting how you can even move forward.  Empathy has grown as we’ve experienced yet more parenting lows we never thought possible. 

Our faith community holds us.  At times, not knowing how to talk to us or even relate – but we know they mean well and love us.  Faith in Jesus holds us.  We’ve weathered some storms and if the waters calm – we’ll take that and glide.  Rediscovering ourselves, regenerating our relationship as husband and wife – being able to give more to the little at home….and back to ourselves is a wonderful feeling for now.  Time to reflect, learn from past mistakes – find new wisdom on ongoing challenges.  

We journey on. 

Friday, February 1, 2019


2019 is off to an interesting start.  The boys are doing “better” per say, getting some maturity shining through and dealing with things in their lives on the legal end and personal end.  So I feel HOPE there.

C has asked that we not be in her life in 2019.  Okay.  Not okay.  I feel deep sadness on choices here that no one but God can reach. I’m not sure who wrote this – but I found this and it rings true “You cannot suffer the past or the future because they don’t exist. What you are suffering is your memory and your imagination.”  Nails it right on. I’ll just leave that right there. 
Little is doing good – growing and not so little.  Guiding through life’s challenges of bullies, how others perceive her with her learning disability and the social issues she faces as a result. I struggle to tone down my Mama Bear instincts, the fight in me is real.  Growing waters.  Busy with Ballet/Tap, Swim, Piano, Church and Volleyball keep us and her hopping.  Full life.

So 2019 – give it your best shot!  Hoping for more joy in regular moments, more recovery and learning to let go.

Friday, January 18, 2019

Stuck and Letting Go

We have this leaf that has been “stuck” for weeks in the crack of the sidewalk - symbolic in so many ways! No matter the wind, it doesn’t get free. We’ve watched it struggle- like a child. Sometimes no matter how much wind around, one can’t get free and fly until one chooses to be free. Would it have a better life if I freed it? Or would it get stuck again someplace else? I’m leaving this leaf to it’s free will. 

1 Peter 2:16 “Live as people who are free, not using your freedom as a cover-up for evil, but for living as servants of God.” 
That’s it.

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