Trials abound – stress continues. I have NO fingernails….yes I’m a nail
biter!
One son had a bad longboard accident – trip to ER, fractures
and sprains and lots of scabs and swelling/bruising. He’ll be OK – he is healing, it could have
been worse. In the throes of it, honesty
as to how the accident happened was a little evasive and when the truth came
out – a nice grounding was applied. I
understand accidents happen – I just don’t accept lies.
Another child lost her cell phone – sexting emails, in
appropriate male contacting – just take it away. A cycle we’ve repeated and tried to gain
trust with that just doesn’t happen. I’m
thinking flip phone.
Eldest moved out in anger again – don’t know where he is
exactly. We have contact minimally, he’s
walked away from his job and support – hanging with sketchy people, doing drugs
and living in the moment. The city
detective stopped by looking for him – I can honestly say I don’t know where he
is, he won’t tell me where he is staying.
I worry about one of three calls I may get: 1) he is arrested (then I’ll at least know
where he is and that he is getting three meals a day and not doing drugs! 2) he
is dead or 3) hurt and in the hospital. Trying to get him to go to a half-way house –
but he hasn’t hit bottom yet….so we wait and pray. Not the life we’d hoped for this guy at
all. Makes me incredibly sad and heart
broken.
I didn’t think life would turn this way for our adopted
kiddos – we continue to be true to ourselves as parents and followers of Christ
– hoping that our life example may still be seen and heard in their
hearts. Their brokenness doesn’t come
only from their adoption stories, it remains in themselves to find their way as
lost souls – I believe all teens out there struggle with so much more than their
parents even begin to know, whether adopted or not. The world of evil pulls constantly at our
youth. This is the fork in the road that
so many have to choose and for my kiddos – that choice doesn’t come easy it
seems. We’ve raised them right. They know right from wrong. Choice and free will are what they have.
I’ve been listening to some good CD’s on parenting again as
I commute – often my daughter says her low self-esteem is my fault. One thing I’ve learned is that self-esteem
comes from the person achieving and accomplishing tasks that builds THEIR
esteem, and no amount of flattery or praise will give them esteem – they make
it through their accomplishments. Like when
a 4-year-old ties their shoes, we praise them – they’ve accomplished an age
appropriate task and take pride and grow esteem from this. But if I’d praise a 14-year-old the same way
for tying shoes, it wouldn’t have the same effect. It is from them achieving success in their
hard tasks of life – rising up to do it, that they grow that esteem. Encouragement to DO those tasks and steps is
what we as parents do in the cheering on to get them to not give up…. sometimes
it happens, sometimes it doesn’t. Having
more open conversations about what has been happening in our home continues –
even the 9-year-old whose ears are large – it is learning from the mistakes and
successes of each kiddo in the house.
Looking forward to vacation to come yet – time to restore my
soul in places I love…. looking ahead to the good, surviving the trenches of
life. I remain optimistic, despite some
serious sadness. But God it in control,
so while I’ve chewed off all my fingernails in stress – I know He guides us and
has that master plan that I believe will still be victorious over sin. I believe.
I have hope. I choose to find joy in the trenches of life. Thankful always for a great partner in life
who we’ll celebrate 34 years of marriage in July, God knew we needed each other
for this mission field of life we continue on.
Galatians 5:13 “You, my brothers and sisters, were called to
be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one
another humbly in love.” (NIV)