The sun shines and the rain comes….but they are good days, not perfect days, but good days are here for now. School is out - last day of school is over. That is a relief greater than some are able to recognize. Sunny hot days ahead which can bring boredom – a wonderful thing to have….reading books, swimming, mosquitoes, softball games, road trips, BBQ’s and the swing of the summer routine will set in.
I remind myself lately when I’m giving myself that pep talk – that there have always been those kids that struggle – no matter what others do…. No matter how much I want them to become the fighters to overcome – it is their journey to walk and live. My job remains the support and giving them the best resources to use should they decide to use them. This is true. While I may have good reason for despair – I too have good reason for hope as well. My kids aren’t the first adoptive kids or bio kids out there to struggle in their time of raging hormones and with poor decision making skills and catching large backlashes of results from their choices. School of hard knocks has been around for ages – my kids are enrolled and hopefully those lessons will carve them more than any lecture I can expound on them. I will be their defender, but sometimes you need to go under water to learn how to come up for air on your own….I can’t and won’t always be the lifesaver here. And sometimes it is just plain Karma.
It is time – time to detach again, time to say “I love you” yet I am going to take care of myself more now….Dad and I are going to “date” more again – we need to get away together, we need to refocus on us as we’ve put “us” aside too long. You will be better for “us” being better and no, you can not divide us – we won’t allow it no matter how hard you try – and I do see you trying…..
We will lean hard on each other and that hope which we know exists. Options are arriving and we are looking at each possibility carefully and for the best interest of this family we love and want to ride this wave of life. I’m seeking the sandy beach with the warmth of the sun on my face and a cool drink with a great book beside me – restoring my soul. Love exists in these walls called home….I’m looking up, my sky is not falling today….so for this I’ll be grateful. Better days are ahead.