Thursday, May 19, 2016

Summer Is Here! 2016

The sun shines and the rain comes….but they are good days, not perfect days, but good days are here for now.  School is out - last day of school is over.  That is a relief greater than some are able to recognize.  Sunny hot days ahead which can bring boredom – a wonderful thing to have….reading books, swimming, mosquitoes, softball games, road trips, BBQ’s and the swing of the summer routine will set in.

I remind myself lately when I’m giving myself that pep talk – that there have always been those kids that struggle – no matter what others do….  No matter how much I want them to become the fighters to overcome – it is their journey to walk and live.  My job remains the support and giving them the best resources to use should they decide to use them.  This is true.  While I may have good reason for despair – I too have good reason for hope as well.  My kids aren’t the first adoptive kids or bio kids out there to struggle in their time of raging hormones and with poor decision making skills and catching large backlashes of results from their choices.  School of hard knocks has been around for ages – my kids are enrolled and hopefully those lessons will carve them more than any lecture I can expound on them.  I will be their defender, but sometimes you need to go under water to learn how to come up for air on your own….I can’t and won’t always be the lifesaver here.  And sometimes it is just plain Karma.

It is time – time to detach again, time to say “I love you” yet I am going to take care of myself more now….Dad and I are going to “date” more again – we need to get away together, we need to refocus on us as we’ve put “us” aside too long.  You will be better for “us” being better and no, you can not divide us – we won’t allow it no matter how hard you try – and I do see you trying…..
We will lean hard on each other and that hope which we know exists.  Options are arriving and we are looking at each possibility carefully and for the best interest of this family we love and want to ride this wave of life.  I’m seeking the sandy beach with the warmth of the sun on my face and a cool drink with a great book beside me – restoring my soul.  Love exists in these walls called home….I’m looking up, my sky is not falling today….so for this I’ll be grateful. Better days are ahead.  

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

It.Just.Doesn't.End.

Daily drama, trama and craziness!  It just doesn’t end.  I feel like this picture….

There is that glimpse of the sunny blue sky, white puffy clouds, but all around is the storm, waiting to rain on any peace that tries to appear. My life these days.

We’ve had the run-away.  Suicide hot line called.  Defiance up the ying-yang.  Sketchy lies, plagiarizing, more stealing behavior without thinking…..and this is to name a few. My life feels surreal at times and I can’t believe these choices are being made by children we are raising – choices COMPLETELY against our morals and every fiber of our being of what paths we don’t want them on.  Teenagers that know better, but don't live better than the very past we hoped to save them from.

I've been listening to Lauren Daigle’s “Trust in You” song – wow, this is my song right now in my walk of life.  Read her lyrics:
TRUST IN YOU Lyrics
Lauren Daigle
Letting go of every single dream
I lay each one down at Your feet
Every moment of my wandering
Never changes what You see
I’ve tried to win this war I confess
My hands are weary I need Your rest
Mighty Warrior, King of the fight
No matter what I face, You’re by my side
When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!
Truth is, You know what tomorrow brings
There’s not a day ahead You have not seen
So, in all things be my life and breath
I want what You want Lord and nothing less
When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!
You are my strength and comfort
You are my steady hand
You are my firm foundation; the rock on which I stand
Your ways are always higher
Your plans are always good
There’s not a place where I’ll go, You’ve not already stood
When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!
I will trust in You!
I will trust in You!
I will trust in You! 
  

Amen – that is all I can say.  

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