Monday, March 28, 2011

Spring Break Reflection

While hubby had to work....we made the best of it with "day trips" all around Kansas and had a great time....a bonding time....  Oh the places we've traveled and the memories we made.  Life is a journey and only you hold the map!

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Your face

The last six months haven’t been easy – we’ve journeyed through waters that have been deep.  At times I felt like I was drowning as your parent.  At times your hate penetrates my soul so deep it shakes my core and I think of giving up. I hate myself for feeling that way.  I can’t change your past – so why do you cling to it so?  Don’t you see your future, can’t you reach it and grab it and run with it?  How can I help you cross the bridge to find the green field of life?  Sorry – we are not Disneyland every day of the year – we are a real family.  We have good days and bad days and there are always chores to be done for this family of six.  You say you want to be an only child – sorry, you have siblings and believe it or not they are helping make you a better person and your life will be richer because of them.  I’m weary when you say it is always my fault.  Your words cut deep when the hate comes.  I hate what it does to our family. We are getting you help.  Sometimes it seems like there is no help and I fear for your future and ours.

Your face holds so much emotion
I know when you are mad.
I know when you are happy.
I know when you are scared.
I know when you are uncertain.
I know when you are lost.
 I know when you need help.
 I know when you need sleep.
I know when you are clueless.
I know when you are at peace.
I know when you feel loved.
I know when you feel frustration.
I am your Mom through the gift of adoption – I know you. I love you. No matter what.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

The ipad

OK - we got an ipad and this is what happened....

Me - Mom - "excuse me the living room is a mess, it needs to be cleaned up and there is laundry and dishes and etc etc."  Response: 

OK - chalk it up for play time with the kids....the dust bunnies can wait as the years go fast....

Even Soph abandoned her babydoll for the ipad - she loves it.  Does puzzles on it.  Plays matching on it.   Learns her colors with a free app program.  I have to admit - I love Boggle on it and Angry Birds. 

So iwon't complain.  iwant them to enjoy it and ihave already heard hubby investigating the next version which means ibroke even more!  :-)

Friday, March 4, 2011


Loved watching the Flinstones growing up.....It's FRIIIIIDDDAAAAYYY!

Tuesday, March 1, 2011


I am called to follow God, follow His word, and follow his commands.

Deuteronomy 13:4  It is the LORD your God you must follow, and him you must revere. Keep his commands and obey him; serve him and hold fast to him.

Sometimes that following is hard when you think you’ve made a choice that was His will for your life and it becomes the hardest thing you’ve ever done.  I’m struggling right now with such a choice.  I’m wavering and doubting and trying to hold fast…believing love can conquer all….but thinking maybe I’ve just not gotten on my knees enough to truly follow and listen to what He is telling me.  I’m missing it…what is it that I’m just not getting?

My Tobias is taking D.A.R.E. at school right now – we’ve talked a lot about following the crowd and the tough choices that he’ll be presented with in his life.  We’ve talked openly and freely about alcohol, tobacco, inhalants and drugs.  We’ve set rules for our household should someone make a poor choice.  We’ve then had to use those rules lately….not easy stuff.  Following.  Following your peers or standing free and confident in who you are…..children love to follow.  Not always a good thing.

Soph has been invading my bathroom morning time and when I’m finally ready, before we leave my bathroom and bedroom, she has to be the “line leader” and I have to follow her.  She loves to have this important role as she leads me to the kitchen.  She makes me smile.

Sometimes I just want to be a goose in the middle, drafting off others, but we have to take our turns and pull to the front for the other geese for it to be successful…..we can’t just follow when it is our turn to lead.  So….I’ll pull up my socks, cast on my cloak of Christianity and with strength only He can give me will continue down this path one day at a time.  I’ll be the line leader when called to.  Praying for wisdom and holding fast to my Lord.  This too shall pass – (my friend says that all the time)….she is right.   

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