Friday, July 21, 2017

Revolving Door

That is us today.  Our 18 year old daughter, (despite us giving her bio father and full sister into her life), had a huge desire to find her birth mother – so she planned and schemed behind our backs, despite everyone warning her not to – she up and left us with a lousy note to me only after 8 years of being adopted to live with her bio mom.  So, we are back at loss, pain, anger and grief.  This one hit my husband hard – it hasn’t even been a year since he lost both his parents and this feels like a death again to him / us - loss.  My best friend sees my pain too – but I just handle it different but feel angry mostly with my grief. All the “why’s” flooding my mind – Why didn’t you wait until you’d graduated High School – only 1 more year to go? Why aren’t we enough for you?  Why does this bio mom deserve another chance knowing what you know and have been told? Why do you always run away from your problems – every. single. time. ?  Just why? 

Then, our 20 year old came back and moved home.  Doing better – committed to finding a job and getting his life back on track.  This warms my heart and gives me joy.  We are committed to helping him, not enabling him.  Revolving door of life.

In our many deep talks, my husband of 34 years and I realize the journey with adopted children is not for the weak of stomach.  That God knew he needed our strength for this journey.  We hope and pray the seeds we’ve planted will be enough or at least something they will look at and recognize – we did our best.  We aren’t perfect, but we did what we could given the challenges and tasks at hand.

Oh, the guilt and “what if’s” exist – but with the support around us, we see that we can’t go down that path – our mission was to do this and love and let them go…..if they come back they still are not ours – they are God’s.  We’ve raised them in a Christian home showing them right from wrong and hoping those messages stick.  Setting examples for life that we hope they’ll “get” as they mature and get out on their own.

So – I believe in the power of prayer – I’ve said it often  - please pray for them all and us.  This journey is not an easy one, the road is bumpy and full of fallen trees blocking our path – but we hike on…

C if you are reading this – know we’ve always loved you – good times and bad and we miss you, grieve for you and hope you find the happiness you are looking for.  

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