That is us today. Our
18 year old daughter, (despite us giving her bio father and full sister into
her life), had a huge desire to find her birth mother – so she planned and
schemed behind our backs, despite everyone warning her not to – she up and left
us with a lousy note to me only after 8 years of being adopted to live with her
bio mom. So, we are back at loss, pain,
anger and grief. This one hit my husband
hard – it hasn’t even been a year since he lost both his parents and this feels
like a death again to him / us - loss.
My best friend sees my pain too – but I just handle it different but
feel angry mostly with my grief. All the “why’s” flooding my mind – Why didn’t
you wait until you’d graduated High School – only 1 more year to go? Why aren’t
we enough for you? Why does this bio mom
deserve another chance knowing what you know and have been told? Why do you
always run away from your problems – every. single. time. ? Just why?
Then, our 20 year old came back and moved home. Doing better – committed to finding a job and
getting his life back on track. This warms my heart and gives me joy. We are
committed to helping him, not enabling him.
Revolving door of life.
In our many deep talks, my husband of 34 years and I realize
the journey with adopted children is not for the weak of stomach. That God knew he needed our strength for this
journey. We hope and pray the seeds we’ve
planted will be enough or at least something they will look at and recognize –
we did our best. We aren’t perfect, but
we did what we could given the challenges and tasks at hand.
Oh, the guilt and “what if’s” exist – but with the support
around us, we see that we can’t go down that path – our mission was to do this
and love and let them go…..if they come back they still are not ours – they are God’s. We’ve raised them in a Christian home showing them right from
wrong and hoping those messages stick. Setting examples for life that we
hope they’ll “get” as they mature and get out on their own.
So – I believe in the power of prayer – I’ve said it
often - please pray for them all and us. This journey is not an easy one, the road is
bumpy and full of fallen trees blocking our path – but we hike on…
C if you are reading this – know we’ve always loved you –
good times and bad and we miss you, grieve for you and hope you find the
happiness you are looking for.