Monday, October 31, 2011

Fall things I love...

Fall things I love:
Playing outside when the temps are great.
Gathering acorns with my sweetie girl.
The smell of burning leaves.
The change of a season in all its splendor reminding us once again, everything is in constant change, growth and death are a part of the creative design we live in and to accept it is to know life and live life to its fullest. Guess I'm busy getting my acorns in a row.

Friday, October 28, 2011

Grief just slips up and slaps you in the face

Grief just slips up and slaps you in the face.

Grief. It is a word of its own. Lately, it slips up and slaps me in the face. I like to pretend “I’m fine” and say it enough and fake it enough. Truth is, lately I’m really ticked. In the stages of grief some call it the anger phase. I think I already went through all the stages but decided to come back to ticked.

I started to list my “ticked” items then deleted them. I know them, they are there and I don’t want to see them in black and white. I also know who I need to give them too – but I’m going to hold onto them awhile longer so I can be ticked longer. Maybe I like being ticked….no, not really. Sorry if I’ve vented it on you verbally at some point. I like my soap box once in a while.

I’m weary. I think I’m still sad. Well, ticked is a better word to describe it. Not sure how long I’ll hold onto this. How long I hide this from some. Hmm, wish I was better at processing this. Maybe writing this is processing it. Maybe not.

My friend Dawn's favorite saying "this too shall pass." I'm waiting for it to pass.

I think I'll hug my children extra tonight, gaze into their brown and blue eyes and let their hope pour into my soul so I have enough to get up and do it all again tomorrow.....

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Too Good To Be True!

Too good to be true.

Have you been raised with this saying? Usually it comes with reference to a super deal, warning us to proceed with caution or have doubt. Lately my son clicked on the spam on facebook that went something like this: “Heh Anthony, you just won a Dell computer from facebook, click here to see your computer…” Yup, he suckered for it and SPAM – all his friends and their comments got the same stupid message. People let me know “heh your son got spammed or hacked or something.” Folks, it is a life lesson he’s got to learn and I don’t want to hear about it! **Sigh**

Made me think as I logged into his account, changed his password, removed as many as I could with my “mommy guilt” even though he did this himself…I didn’t’ do it (course I’ve done other stupid spam things!). Anyway, made me wonder how do I teach him NOT to believe he’ll will 1 million dollars, get a free car, etc.  The boys have been obsessed with McDonald’s Monopoly. This is sadly becoming a tradition as they amazingly reach into take coupons off other people’s discarded cups and find them on the floor. Tobias’s football team stopped at rotten Ronnie’s on the way back from a game and Tobias is convinced two boys gathering won $100,000….still tracking that one!

So, when the world lures us into these things and we try to teach them the odds aren’t there or it is a scam…..then how can we turn around and expect them to believe in Noah’s ark, lions not eating a man, dead people raised, a man dying on a cross and raised up in three days that gives us eternal life?  How do they know fiction from truth? Our world is tricky…..our faith should not be. How do I teach them that Christ isn’t too good to be true?

I want my son to wait until he takes catechism class, he needs more maturity. He needs Christ because he wants Christ and he needs to know on his own that Jesus isn’t a hoax or made up and that Jesus IS very good and true. For this I pray.

Meanwhile, I’ll go let them enter more Monopoly codes as their hope in a win (even if it is only coke rewards).  I find it  encouraging that they’ll have that type of belief in their own faith walk someday…..

Saturday, October 1, 2011

I’ve been here

Sophia leaves her mark in our bathroom…..the toilet roll is never the same after she visits. 
Let me talk about our master bathroom.  The older three have to knock and gain permission to enter our bedroom, let alone our bathroom aka first aid center. 

This little one with morning hair….
she just waltzes in because she is 4.  Because she can and does.  So, most of the time, she likes to use our bathroom, especially when I’m in it.  This might be showering, doing my makeup.  She brings in her blankie and usually a flashlight and sets up “talking camp” during the week while I shower/get ready.   I don’t have morning alone time usually.  I cherish both the mornings I can get ready by myself and with her. 
Most days I talk her out of showering with me because I don’t have time during the work week so she looks forward to weekends when I allow it once….and that usually means these……
come in the small shower for her entertainment.  I also spend a lot of money on leg shaving cream because she usually needs some in a tea cup, saucer or whatever.  It is very fun to smear all over.
The marvel of younger children is the trail in life they leave….this makes me ponder what trail in life am I leaving?  Do people see Jesus in me and know I strive each day to be His good child?  Some days I’m falling short, other days I’m feeling pretty good about my walk.   What am I leaving behind me?  We work hard at teaching all the kiddos to clean up after themselves that responsibility comes with a life lesson that can hold valuable.  That said, sometimes I think we are so busy erasing our paths behind us that we “hide” Jesus shining by the very essence of our trying to clean up behind us as we go.  

So, when the toilet roll shows Sophia has been visiting… makes me smile in my aggravation to challenge myself to leave a better trail myself.

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