Friday, October 28, 2011

Grief just slips up and slaps you in the face

Grief just slips up and slaps you in the face.

Grief. It is a word of its own. Lately, it slips up and slaps me in the face. I like to pretend “I’m fine” and say it enough and fake it enough. Truth is, lately I’m really ticked. In the stages of grief some call it the anger phase. I think I already went through all the stages but decided to come back to ticked.

I started to list my “ticked” items then deleted them. I know them, they are there and I don’t want to see them in black and white. I also know who I need to give them too – but I’m going to hold onto them awhile longer so I can be ticked longer. Maybe I like being ticked….no, not really. Sorry if I’ve vented it on you verbally at some point. I like my soap box once in a while.

I’m weary. I think I’m still sad. Well, ticked is a better word to describe it. Not sure how long I’ll hold onto this. How long I hide this from some. Hmm, wish I was better at processing this. Maybe writing this is processing it. Maybe not.

My friend Dawn's favorite saying "this too shall pass." I'm waiting for it to pass.

I think I'll hug my children extra tonight, gaze into their brown and blue eyes and let their hope pour into my soul so I have enough to get up and do it all again tomorrow.....


Frizzy said...

I'm sorry to hear your ticked but I'm glad to know you're acknowledging it and owning it. This is part of the battle of healing broken hearts and wounds.

I'll be praying for your readiness to lay this burden down.

Becky said...

I know all to well the grief can sneak up and slap you. I will be totally fine and the next thing you know I am crying. I find I am having to give it to God over and over. Guess thats why He is God and I am human....Hope your ok my friend. Will pray for you

angelonwheels said...

Dorry I missed this post, It is so courageousness of you to share! Hugs!

Vaibhav said...

Nice and interesting.
Do not forget that even a non working clock shows the correct time two times a day..may be this grief period is the darkest hour before that hint of sunshine :)

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