Trials abound – stress continues. I have NO fingernails….yes I’m a nail biter!
One son had a bad longboard accident – trip to ER, fractures and sprains and lots of scabs and swelling/bruising. He’ll be OK – he is healing, it could have been worse. In the throes of it, honesty as to how the accident happened was a little evasive and when the truth came out – a nice grounding was applied. I understand accidents happen – I just don’t accept lies.
Another child lost her cell phone – sexting emails, in appropriate male contacting – just take it away. A cycle we’ve repeated and tried to gain trust with that just doesn’t happen. I’m thinking flip phone.
Eldest moved out in anger again – don’t know where he is exactly. We have contact minimally, he’s walked away from his job and support – hanging with sketchy people, doing drugs and living in the moment. The city detective stopped by looking for him – I can honestly say I don’t know where he is, he won’t tell me where he is staying. I worry about one of three calls I may get: 1) he is arrested (then I’ll at least know where he is and that he is getting three meals a day and not doing drugs! 2) he is dead or 3) hurt and in the hospital. Trying to get him to go to a half-way house – but he hasn’t hit bottom yet….so we wait and pray. Not the life we’d hoped for this guy at all. Makes me incredibly sad and heart broken.
I didn’t think life would turn this way for our adopted kiddos – we continue to be true to ourselves as parents and followers of Christ – hoping that our life example may still be seen and heard in their hearts. Their brokenness doesn’t come only from their adoption stories, it remains in themselves to find their way as lost souls – I believe all teens out there struggle with so much more than their parents even begin to know, whether adopted or not. The world of evil pulls constantly at our youth. This is the fork in the road that so many have to choose and for my kiddos – that choice doesn’t come easy it seems. We’ve raised them right. They know right from wrong. Choice and free will are what they have.
I’ve been listening to some good CD’s on parenting again as I commute – often my daughter says her low self-esteem is my fault. One thing I’ve learned is that self-esteem comes from the person achieving and accomplishing tasks that builds THEIR esteem, and no amount of flattery or praise will give them esteem – they make it through their accomplishments. Like when a 4-year-old ties their shoes, we praise them – they’ve accomplished an age appropriate task and take pride and grow esteem from this. But if I’d praise a 14-year-old the same way for tying shoes, it wouldn’t have the same effect. It is from them achieving success in their hard tasks of life – rising up to do it, that they grow that esteem. Encouragement to DO those tasks and steps is what we as parents do in the cheering on to get them to not give up…. sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn’t. Having more open conversations about what has been happening in our home continues – even the 9-year-old whose ears are large – it is learning from the mistakes and successes of each kiddo in the house.
Looking forward to vacation to come yet – time to restore my soul in places I love…. looking ahead to the good, surviving the trenches of life. I remain optimistic, despite some serious sadness. But God it in control, so while I’ve chewed off all my fingernails in stress – I know He guides us and has that master plan that I believe will still be victorious over sin. I believe. I have hope. I choose to find joy in the trenches of life. Thankful always for a great partner in life who we’ll celebrate 34 years of marriage in July, God knew we needed each other for this mission field of life we continue on.
Galatians 5:13 “You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love.” (NIV)